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"Masturbation ... is not approved of the Lord nor this church, regardless of what may be said by those whose 'norms' are lower", President Kimball of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (1981)
"Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate." Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.
A quote often used by various churches in an effort to contain illicit acts amongst its people. Every sermon on masturbation would quote it, atleast all the sermons I have heard. Under the circumstances, is it difficult to imagine masturbation as one of the biggest taboos in our society? Even today? Scientific education has done a little to change it. Does that mean men and women don't masturbate? Certainly not. 99% of men and 70% of women masturbate according to various studies. The problem lies in the acceptance of the fact that you masturbate. Let me tell you a story... a story about you.
One night you were sitting alone in your appartment eating pizza. You decided to check out some new sites on the net while you eat. So you log on to your ISP and start surfing. Inadverantely, you come across some piece of pornography(yes, the net is quite full of it!) Looking at those erotic (and often downright nasty photos) you feel a tingling between your legs. One thing leads to another and you end up spoiling your underpants. Now let me tell you another story.
One night you were sitting alone in a bar drinking beer. And then a most gorgeous person enters the bar. The person that causes tingling between your legs just looking at him or her. You decide that you can't let go of this oppurtunity to get to know this wonderful creation of god. So you move towards this person and start small talk. One thing leads to another and you end up in your appartment.
Whether you are a woman or a man, the next morning you wouldn't be jumping with joy in the first case. When you go out in the evening to meet your friends, you would not tell them about the hot site you found and how you jerked off to it. Nevertheless, in the second case, you would be telling anyone who cared to listen how you had the most wonderful experience of your life last night. Why? Well, maybe because self pleasure is, well, nothing special. You can do it anytime you want. Ofcourse seducing the person of your dreams is quite an accomplishment. No wonder you need an audience. But what if you have a friend like me. A friend who is crazy enough to ask you did you wank off yesterday night? Was it good? What would you do then? Would you tell your friend about the hot site and your experience? Would you simply say, "Yeah! It was great! What about you?" Or would you pretend nothing had happened and lie... something like you were somewhere else yesterday night, or maybe lead your friend to believe you got lucky with someone?
I am guessing you would do the latter. Most certainly you won't acknowledge the act of masturbation. Rather you would evade the question and change the topic. And when your friend tells you about a hot conquest the same night, you would wish you had a bowl of water in which you could drown. Shame and guilt would come over you and you would change the topic in double quick time. Are you crazy? Noway! You are just one of the majority. And quite a majority at that! Way more majority that what George Bush had in the last elections! The reason - social conditioning!
You are just like the boy who ran out of the cinema hall that was screening an adult film (mind you, he had no business of being there in the first place! But all the cinemas care about is the sale of their tickets!)
Later in the day, the friend who had been at the movies with him, caught up with him and asked, "Why in the hell's name did you run out?" The boy answered, "My mom said that if I watched a woman getting naked I would turn to stone. And damn you Harry, a part of me was already turning into stone!"
Unluckily, the social conditioning is wrong. It is as wrong as the social condition in 18-19th century India, where widows were forced to burn alive with their husbands. As wrong as the church was in burning Galileo for implying the Earth was not the centre of the universe. Lily Tomlin put it best, "We have reasons to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation!" If god didn't want us to masturbate, maybe we would still be walking like dogs and horses!
The social conditioning is a result of numerous myths, lies and scams perperated by numerous individuals for personal benefit. Unfortunately, this conditioning is like a hard nut, very tough to crack. However, with effort and chanelising your energies, you can break it. Remember, the nuts that crack the hardest, are often the ones that taste the best! You must be wondering, how the hell does it matter if you feel guilty about masturbation. Why should you spend time breaking this casing?
Certain psychologists believe that guilt conscious, whether sexual guilt or in any other form, is the most destructive element for your mental health. Others believe it is one of the most destructive. But the greatest effect of guilt conscious in my experience has been a lack of confidence in self. Now you are an intelligent reader. I don't need to explain you the importance of self confidence. Be it your career, relationships or any other aspect of life, lack of confidence can bring your downfall. Now I am not implying that should you start to feel more comfortable about masturbation, you would succeed in all aspects of life. But it would be a nice step to take. An useless guilt that should, and can be eradicated from your mind. Remember, an ocean is made of small droplets of water. Get rid of a drop at a time and in due time, the ocean would be empty! Ofcourse it would take several millenia! Luckily, you don't have an ocean full of guily! Just some naggings here and there!
The first step towards eradication of this guilt is knowledge. There are thousands of myths around masturbation. Most of them perperated by religion, unfortunately. But some perperated by scam runners. Lets take a look at the most important ones.
1. Masturbation is against the will of god.
Bullshit. At one point the church considered anyone who was overtly passionate to his wife an adultrater. Follow that teaching and your wife would be committing adultery! Several clergymen have gone on record to say that not only the church's teachings about sexuality were unrelated to the scriptures, but that they caused more harm than good amongst people. Besides, nowhere in the religious teachings of any major religions is masturbation considered wrong.
2. Masturbation will cause impotency.
Most males and even some females seem to think so. Wrong again. Lets tackle the males first. It is understandable that seeing their sperm flow out of their body, they think it may end sometime. Well, it will end one day... maybe when you are 100 years old. But until then don't worry. Your sperm bank is quite unlike Standard Chartered. You have unlimited credit here! Sperm is a completely renewable resource, renewable on an hourly basis! For women, well, there is no basis in the theory. Probably perperated by old ladies who never had an orgasm in their entire life!
3. Masturbation causes acnes, hair loss, skin diseases.
This one is my favorite. Mainly because it is one of the better scams of all times! Your social conditioning would have you believe that masturbation is bad for your health. But bad how? No one would give you a satisfying answer! Now some scam artists saw this as an good oppurtunity to sell their products like hair growth lotions, etc. Since most people start masturbating during their teens, (the times of acne and other skin problems), they would have you believe that this is caused by masturbation! Unluckily for them, this is as untrue as the sun rising from the west! Masturbation has no physical side effects!
4. Masturbating will make you thin and skinny!
Then there would be no need for diet pills and fitness regimes my friend! And most certainly 70% of USA wouldn't be overweight!
5. Only Kids masturbate!
Why would you say that? I wonder! Well quite untrue, most adults masturbate... yup even after marriage!
6. Masturbation is for males.
And it is for 70% of the women too. Thats right, two thirds of all females masturbate!
7. Only losers masturbate!
Another of my favorites. Just goes to show just how much of a taboo is masturbation! First thing, 99% of males and 70% of females have masturbated atleast once in their lives. Now that is a hell of a lot of losers don't you think! Nothing more that I can add really... this is really the epitome of insecurity amongst people regarding self pleasure.
8. Masturbation is for homosexuals.
Wow. Where did that one originate! Someone must make a etymology of these myths, would make for an interesting read! Just as untrue as all these myths, masturbation and homosexuality have nothing in common. Some people masturbate to their fantasies of opposite sex, others to their fantasies of same sex. Thats it.
9. Masturbation will make you blind!
Others claim that masturbation is bad for your eyesights. However, their claims are unsupported by facts and medical advice. I suggest you talk to your general physician and he will explain you what a load of bull this is.
10. Masturbation changes the shape of your penis
Well, it does make it rock hard. But believe me, once you orgasm, the hardness is gone! So no. Masturbation has absolutely no effect on how your penis looks.
There are loads more of these myths circulating around the world. If you have a query about masturbation, ask me, I would happily lay your fears to rest. My email is advice@pornographytimes.com
Now lets move on in an attempt to get rid of your guilt. Clearly, all the reasons that made masturbation such a taboo are baseless. So why should you feel guilty about something that is normal and actually healthy? Healthy? Yes that too! This January, I recieved an email from a woman who had some major problems in her marriage. Due to her career and that of her husband, their sexual life was inexistant. Both held jobs in big MNCs and were frequently out of town. Sometimes, they would see each other once a month! Nevertheless, they were very much in love. Her problem was, that inspite of all their love, they were getting into petty fights with each other. The woman was even experiencing problems during work, getting angry for no apparent reasons, shouting on her team. Her temperament was a creation of the stress caused by extensive work and lack of pleasurable activities. Add to that sexual frustration.
My advice to her was twofold. First, I told her that she would have to slow down, and so should her husband. They must make time for their hobbies, maybe try and get in some physical exercise when they could. Most certainly, they needed to see more of each other. They should onsider talking off a couple of days and just be together. Second, while she was alone, she should consider fantasy therapy. Namely, reading erotic novels, watching erotic movies... exciting herself and eventually masturbating as regularly as she could. Three months later, I recieved a thank you letter from her. Apparently she had put my advice to practice (which is quite rare!) and it had actually helped. (Which is not so rare!)
How did masturbating help her? Because most of her problems arose from stress and lack of physical activities. And masturbation, like sex, is the perfect medicing. When you orgasm, your mind gets cleared of the regular day to day problems. Your body gets excited and the blood flow increases. Sometimes, you even sweat! A complete and perfect exercise for those with lack of time!
The next step in getting rid of your guilt is self belief. Something, no outsider can help you with. Here is what I would counsel. Read as many articles on the internet as you can relating to masturbation. Just so that you know that I am not bullshitting you. Any queries you have, don't be afraid to ask me or another sex advisor on any of the reputed websites. Remember, the first step is knowledge and the second step is belief. And knowledge leads to belief. Good Wanking!
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Bladder infections can make life very uncomfortable for those who have them. However, there is a lot you can do at home to make these infections less unpleasant, and get rid of them quickly. The best home remedy is to drink a lot of fluids. This is probably the single most important remedy for immediate relief and comfort.
By urinating, you will flush out the bacteria from your blood faster. The longer any amount of urine stays in the bladder, the more bacteria stay in there. It is believed that E coli doubles its population about every 20 minutes. And more bacteria means more discomfort.
Taking a hot bath is the next best thing that you can do. Many women vouch for a hot bath to get immediate relief from pain and inflammation caused by bladder infection.
Taking anti-inflammatory medicines like aspirin or ibuprofen also provides relief to a lot of people. They reduce the inflammation in the bladder and thereby lessen the burning.
About 1,000 mg of vitamin c consumed every day will acidify the urine enough to stop further bacterial growth. This is an especially good idea if you're having problems with recurring bladder infections or if you do not have access to quick medical help. But you must keep in mind that some antibiotics prescribed for bladder infections do not work in acidic urine. It is advisable to inform your doctor if you're taking vitamin C along with the dosage amounts. Cranberry juice is known to help for the same reasons mentioned above.
Wiping from front to back after going to the bathroom helps prevent infections from occurring. It helps to move bacteria away from, not toward, the vagina and the opening of the urethra. Going to the bathroom before intercourse helps flush out bacteria that may be present in the vagina and otherwise might get pushed into the bladder by intercourse. You must also visit the bathroom after intercourse. A man's penis can massage bacteria present in the opening of the urethra into the bladder, and a rinse will help you clean yourself.
Bladder infections can be prevented if you use pads instead of tampons for the same reasons mentioned above. Lastly, good hygiene always helps to keep bladder infections away. This means wearing cotton underwear that keeps you dry, avoiding tight jeans that decrease ventilation, and most of all, keeping clean.
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Most of the questions asked to sexual health experts are about men's early ejaculations and women's orgasm troubles. When you read this you may say: It's normal, if man is coming off quickly, woman couldn't have an orgasm! But if you really think for a few seconds, surprisingly, you won't see any relation between these two events. Because, a man if he is not a boor, will prepare his woman to reach her orgasm before his ejaculation.
The other highly popular question is about the penis size! After all that porn movies many people are really confused. How and where to find such a prominent organ? What is the normal size? How thick and long can be the biggest? How small is acceptable for lovemaking?
Every man's genital is different as his finger print and the role of the penis size in a happy and successful sexual relationship is not such important. At least you don't have to be such stupid to pay sack full money to programs, drugs or advice for making it bigger! Even with a huge organ a man's chance is very limited to make her achieve an orgasm if he is not a good lover and doesn't know proper sex techniques, most probably he will cause pain instead of pleasure.
Even a man who has a miniscule dick may be a perfect lover! The only way is to learn how to make better love, how to be a better partner, instead of being paranoiacly distressed. This is normal and this is your body, love it and try to use it more creatively and with more love. Kiss and caress every part of your partner's body for long time, arouse her enough, and go down and give her a nice oral love... until she reaches the climax.
Believe me, every woman loves and prefers such a talented lover in the place of a big dick entering a few times into your vagina before spurting out and then sleeping in his side as nothing happened! Naturally!
Having a small organ is not a guilt, a crime, if he knows his body and has developed many better solutions he is absolutely a CLEVER man and a perfect lover!
In regard to early ejaculations... This, also, is not a crime and if the man has not an organic disorder, may be corrected with some effort. But many men, instead of paying attention to their situation, act like early coming off doesn't make any difference in their sex life! Which may be true!
Actually you may consider the natural disharmony between two genders. Men, by their nature, want to thrust into a hole when aroused and squirt in, that's all! But woman needs a prior preparation, a foreplay of at least 10-15 minutes to be concentrated and ready for insertion.
One woman likes this position, another may choose that position, many women request clitoris stimulation besides men's thrusting... Many fatiguing services asked from men! And furthermore, if a serious and passionate relationship doesn't exist between partners, men are really exhausted in the bed. Is a natural error, an innate lack of harmony exists between men and women?
Let see some different type of early comers:
Type A: The worst. He doesn't even know he is an early comer. When he likes, he takes the woman under him and ejaculates. He doesn't care anything else! For the woman's orgasm? What is that? He hasn't heard anything about woman's orgasm!
Type B: He knows about woman's orgasm but act like he doesn't know. Same of the Type A, he pulls the woman under and he comes off, the only difference, if by mistake or pain, woman makes a weak sound like "ah" he will suppose she reached an orgasm but for his comfort, he will never ask her the truth!
Type C: He knows his disorder, he is sad and wants to visit a doctor but he is shamed or can't find the time to go! As a foreplay he kiss and caress her a little but he can't wait and comes off. Sometimes he can't even find times to thrust his dick into her. He is sad but life goes on!
Type D: He is aware of his early ejaculation disorder but he also knows his partner's orgasm right! So, he will kiss and caress her at great length, give her a great oral love and bring her to an orgasm. Then start to make love for himself and he comes off. Because his partner reached orgasm before his quick ejaculation there is no trouble. Partners are relaxed and happy!
That means, if a man is understanding and clever the early ejaculation is not an important obstacle on the way of a happy sexual relationship. Man may visit a doctor and try to find the main reason behind this disorder and get a treatment which is totally normal, but meantime he is kind and not selfish, gives her ultimate pleasures to reach her orgasm.
An absolutely good sex for a woman is a normal dick size, a foreplay at length, long kisses and caresses, staying inside her long enough with many thrusting, knowing her favorite positions and giving her the best pleasures... not insisting on what he wants, but understanding her and giving her what she needs to get her climax.
Please remember that if she has reached to one orgasm in her entire life, she knows the best position for her, and an intelligent man never insists on a new position which may cause a lack of concentration, he will follow her orientations.
Finally, what is the woman's responsibility in creating a harmonious sexual relationship? Women must talk and describe what they want clearly. Of course talking to the boors will not produce a positive result but intelligent men may understand your needs. Do not imitate orgasm or do not keep silent and sleep... talk to your lovers and kindly explain your desires, if not you will lose your sexual desires and even you won't be able to masturbate and get orgasm by yourself in the future!
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Do you realize the importance of the “C-Spot”? Yes, you read correctly. The “C-Spot”! Most people try to find the so called “G Spot” of a woman when they can not even find the “C-Spot”! (read: the Clitoris).
After reading this article, you will discover the importance of the clitoris and even other (more important) erogenous zones.
William H. Masters M.D. (Masters and Johnson Institute) wrote: “the clitoris is a unique organ in the total of human anatomy”… because it has NO other purpose than sexual joy.
This amazing erogenous spot can not even be compared with the male penis, since this organ has other functions besides pleasure.
Bottom line: Apparently the clitoris is there because nature wanted women to enjoy life! No wonder it is often called the “joy button”!
However, the main problem is that most men never understand the importance of the clitoris. And many women will NEVER be able to reach an orgasm without clitoral stimulation!
Believe it or not, the clitoris remains literally UNTOUCHED most of the times women have sexual intercourse! This fact makes it almost impossible for them to enjoy an orgasm during sex.
The clitoris is located within and close to the top of the labia (below the pubic bone) The labia majora and minora are the outer and inner folds of skin that surround the clitoris.
Remember, it is crucial that you locate this important part of the female body for a successful sexual life!
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Let’s just say you read my first journey, “The Lonely Road to Destiny”, you will know how we have come to this place now. Consequentially, it should then be of no surprise where the road began and quite possibly, where I may be heading. I’ve traveled a tough road of challenging turns and learned that wherever it is that I might be heading, a lonely road lay before me. No matter what the case might be, I, like you perhaps, must travel this road through life alone living and dying by the decisions that we make day to day.
Some of us will find that companion that completes us and some will not. I, don’t believe in that particular coupling for myself and so my life shall go. Alas, the pain of life itself and those that surround you, consume you, or draw the goodness from you, evolves. The travels of life take you upon journeys. Some of us know not from where we begin, where we are, or where it is that we are to go. For me, my book, “The lonely Road to Destiny” ended August, 2002. I now pick up where we left off. Our last journey was that of an unfolding story. This one shall be different. This time we shall share in ideologies. This time I shall share the lessons and not so much the unfolding story.
The pain that comes from traveling the path is different for everyone. If we look through an open eye, we see the purpose that dominates our destiny. I discovered that purpose along the traveled path, circa March 2005. I came to the conclusion why we all do what we do. We do it for love. It dominates our life. We are either looking for it, in it, out of it, hurting from it, hiding from it, or wishing it was more a part of our life. We all feel this way. All of these other things around us are furnishings, furnishings that provide comforts, luxury, and what we perceive to be “happiness” and “success”. In this pursuit for this thing called, “love”, we sacrifice many different things. Sometimes it is our character. Other times it is the values that we hold so dear to us (if in fact we have such a virtue). Still others is our comfort zone that protects us from being hurt from the last encounter, whether we were careless with our heart or someone else was. These matters of the heart are delicate ones. They are to be handled with ‘kit gloves’. The heart is the weak link in a chain of reason and logic. The heart serves no real purpose in our lives short of tempting us with the fruits of what we think or perceive to be the attainment of ‘happiness’. This very desire, the very hunger to attain the ownership of this most prized possession called love, drives us to do the unimaginable. Reprehensible things. At times, it drives us to compromise our beliefs in God, our belief in doing what is believed to be ‘right and wrong’, it drives us to become so insane and miscalculated in our deduction and evaluation of reason and sensibility. But then again, when was love ever a sensible thing?
I decided that my path is not the answer to life but more of a message. In my own strange way of reasoning, it is why I was put here. It is why I will die. Perhaps, it will be what I die from. Who can tell? But, the last 2 years of my life has served me to evolve: To evolve into a messenger and a kind of a ‘prophet’. Love warps the mind, the body, and the soul.) It is why great kingdoms have fallen, great men have dropped to their knees, or people of government have gone into disarray. Behind every scandal, behind every action that has driven a man to do maddening things, there is a temptress somewhere pulling the strings. Now this fault and the blame sits directly an squarely upon the shoulders of no one else but us….the men! It shows how weak minded we really are and how easily we can be swayed when under the smell of lust, love, or whatever you would like to call it!
Now relax, I don’t hate women. HOWEVER, men have gotten the bad rap and the name for years. And behind a cloak of secrecy and deceit, women have played the same game. NOT ALL WOMEN!!! But look around you. These days, most have succumbed to the world in which we now live. A world driven by the lust and desire to gather material things, items, and worldly possessions, all of which have no place or purpose in the pursuit of spiritual enlightenment. I see it in my home town all the time. Married women driving around in their husband’s gas guzzling hummers, sipping mocha latte’s and crappuccinos, pushing strollers, buying excessively, and bringing home the receipts to the idiot coming home providing all these ridiculous luxuries. WHY? Are these women really happy? Are these men concluding that they are ‘providing’ for their women? Who the hell knows!
Perhaps the reason, above all, that my words reflect an heir of frustration, anger, or bitterness is because of the wrong done to me by the women in my life………..OBVIOUSLY! Why the anger? Why the frustration you ask? Well, it is quite simple yet obnoxiously complex at the same time: The perfect marriage of provable conclusion and illogical paradox. Where logic fails to prove, ‘love’ comes to rear its ugly head, defying all that is logical, reasonable, mathematically sound, or sensibly thought out. Love defies every equation of perfect synergy, irrefutable accuracy, and unimaginable reality. It crosses boundaries of the thinking man’s mind and makes us do dumb things without fear of cause or consequence, right or wrong, logical or illegitimate.
And how do you ask, does this all take place? How does this perfect little game, this infinite circle of madness begin? It begins with that single twinkle. That little butterfly that begins to fly around in the darkest corner of the stomach that tells our pee-wee brains that this might be a ‘good idea’. Or maybe, it’s that son-of-a-bitch of a penis that convinces us that we MUST meet this person. Of course, we all know that once you dump the "jerk-off juice" out of the system, logic and reasoning returns. God’s cruel joke on us men!
Nearly 2 years ago, I stepped off the path of the lonely road, detouring for what I thought was a pathway to a different ending. But unfortunately and not inconsistent with my expectations, as I’ve known all along, for me the path (my path) is so evident and clear. My path to destiny is a lonely one. Not one that I’ve asked for or have brought about on my own through self prophecy, but one that has been assigned to me by a force in this universe above and beyond a sense of reasoning or understanding. Don’t ask why, I don’t know! It is just one of those things we are born with. One of those things that we know and we know not why! It is one of the those inconceivable truths that we cannot hide from. For me, it is the sun rising in the east and setting in the west. It is as non bending as the North Star being in the, well, north. It is what I was born to know and just is. And some things that are will just be.
As we ask those universal questions, “Why me” or “What did I do to deserve this”, the forces of nature continue to guide us to and through the outcomes and take us places that we need to go, whether or not we understand why.
My latest travels down the path of life caused me to encounter unique lessons that will undoubtedly stay with me for all my life, adding more mystery to that universal question of, “Why”?
Now, don’t get me wrong. I like nice things, aspire to gather ‘items’ of value and importance, but NOT at the cost of my character, my integrity, my honor, or my name! I never compromised my beliefs in who I am, what I was put here to do, or put my professional or financial interests above that of the people that seek my help in my expertise area of sciences. And now, through my travels of business, love, and the learned path that I have traveled these past 31 years, I share this wisdom so that together we may learn. (And you didn’t think a 31 year-old-man knew anything!! Shame on you!)
To be continued....if you dare to read on!
